dry desert of the soul

all spun out and no inspiration and it seems as if this is the drying time of the soul when there is an emptiness within that dry deadening emptiness when nothing inspires and yet it is not like depression at all because that's a rather painful state but this is a painless indifferent state where nothing seems to matter where all is a certain objective dispassionate cold observation and that's all that's left just me here sitting in an attic study waiting on words to behave upon a screen waiting waiting waiting and there is not even one tear to indicate that something stirswithin that something moves within that something lights the fire that something sparks that something that something somehow would tear through these indifferent clouds set them alight with a passion for life for all that makes life good and wonderful and full of surprises and yet i had all that phony type of jesus saves type of thing so many times before and i ngrew so tired of it of its easy answers to the big problems always so neat and so self-assuredly right - so sugary sweet with all the answers laid out like the icing on a christmas cake laid out like the icing on a christmas cake and here i feel like getting a chorus going to enliven this piece of cheerless stream of consciousness which is failing to gain access to any cave like a potholer in search of a hole down which to descend and as there is no hole through which to descend i am fated to dwell now in the world of mediocrity in  the world where all is dull and dreary but not depressing just lacking lacking lacking any passion any engagement with the depths of life and if we can find no door or cave mouth through which to descend into labyrinthine caverns of the soul and if the ego cannot descend cannot go down into the depths it will never be purified it will never never be able to come up once more from the depths of the caverns where it will meet the shadows of the self the shadows of the soul the shadows of all that is real and once it has been purified in the deep cavernous places of the soul only then only then will it have eaten enough and have drunk enough to ascend to the world of light and enlightenment...